Every so often when I feel that someone is pushing past the limits and boundaries I have set in my dealings with them I softly say, "Don't mistake kindness for weakness."

To discerning souls this is usually enough to make them think a little about just how far I am willing to be pushed. Others, to their folly, have still pushed beyond what I am willing to accept from them and have discovered what it's like to have me walk away or push back. My walking away is usually much more pleasant for them.

This past week I have had some interesting dealings with three individuals who mistook kindness for weakness.

It all started last Monday on a beautiful morning. I had parked my car in front of my friend's house for our usual walk. When we returned we found that someone had damaged my car with their vehicle and then left the scene.

It wasn't difficult to figure out who had caused the damage. There was salt and sand on the hood of my car, in the gaping hole in my front panel and on the ground around it. Tire tracks led from my car to the driveway of an individual who drove a half-ton that carried salt and sand. My friend's husband commented, "It's not going to take a rocket scientist to solve this mystery."

When the RCMP officer showed up he took pictures, got my particulars, then followed the tracks to the driveway across the street and knocked on the door.

To our surprise, the young woman there claimed that her boyfriend had left at 5 that morning so he couldn't have been the one to cause the damage. It seemed it was more important for the individual who hit my vehicle to evade responsibility than it was to deal with the repercussions of an accident. Had he simply remained at the scene things would have worked out much better for him.

Four hours later, succumbing to pressure from family, his boss, and neighbours, the young man called me and confessed to hitting my vehicle. He begged me not to report it to my Insurance company, claiming he would lose his license and job, and promised he would pay for the damage. I calmly replied that I had already reported it and he would now have to deal with them.

From Monday through Wednesday I received several more calls from him, his boss, and even the mother of his girlfriend pleading his case and asking me to deal with him directly and not involve the Insurance company. I think that my civil manner with them led them to the mistaken belief that I would not look out for my own best interests.

They learned otherwise.

I can only imagine the difficulty I would have had trying to collect the $4,000 required to fix the damage done to my car had I given in and decided to keep the Insurance company out of the process.

And, fortunately, because I am no pushover... it's only in my imagination that I have to go there.

Kahlil Gibran on Friendship:


And a youth said, "Speak to us of Friendship."

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.


Khalil Gibran

We have many opportunities in our daily lives to practice non-judgement and to become the mere 'observer' of events or of those individuals we've chosen to travel our path with.  Sometimes, however, it's difficult to know where judgement ends and observation begins.

Thankfully, I've learned how to recognize which I'm operating from. It was almost too simple when I realized it but, as most of you are aware, sometimes the simplest things can be the most profound.

When I'm judging a situation or an individual's actions I actually feel a physical sensation. It's a discomfort that I feel in the lower Chakras. It's a vibration that I am not comfortable with. It's like my soul is saying 'Let's not go there'. Usually, as soon as I admit to myself that I am in judgement, the feeling fades.

Simply observing the situation or action is much more pleasant  for me. I can look at a situation and not feel attached to what is going on or what the outcome will be. I am able to step out of the drama and simply allow things to unfold as they will. There is no good or bad; no right or wrong. It is what it is.

I've also learned that when I am judging someone or something I lose the ability to be of service to the person or event.

But when I'm simply observing, magic can happen. I receive guidance as to whether to walk away or offer assistance. Whether the situation is a lesson for me or someone else. And I gain the ability to 'think with my heart' and 'feel with my brain'.

My intent is to observe rather than judge. I have a sense it will make existence much more pleasant.

Based on the story by Loren Eisley...

'I awoke early, as I often did, just before sunrise to walk by the ocean's edge and greet the new day. As I moved through the misty dawn, I focused on a faint, far away motion. I saw a youth, bending and reaching and flailing arms, dancing on the beach, no doubt in celebration of the perfect day soon to begin.

As I approached, I sadly realized that the youth was not dancing to the bay, but rather bending to sift through the debris left by the night's tide, stopping now and then to pick up a starfish and then standing, to heave it back into the sea. I asked the youth the purpose of the effort. "The tide has washed the starfish onto the beach and they cannot return to the sea by themselves," the youth replied. "When the sun rises, they will die, unless I throw them back to the sea."

As the youth explained, I surveyed the vast expanse of beach, stretching in both directions beyond my sight. Starfish littered the shore in numbers beyond calculation. The hopelessness of the youth's plan became clear to me and I countered, "But there are more starfish on this beach than you can ever save before the sun is up. Surely you cannot expect to make a difference."

The youth paused briefly to consider my words, bent to pick up a starfish and threw it as far as possible. Turning to me he simply said, "I made a difference to that one.'

I left the boy and went home, deep in thought of what the boy had said. I returned to the beach and spent the rest of the day helping the boy throw starfish in to the sea.

This story is among my favorites. It brings me a sense of peace during those times when I'm questioning whether or not I'm doing enough.

Sometimes I look around me and the enormity of the suffering in the world and among my friends and family nearly brings me to my knees. It can be somewhat overwhelming

From now on, I'm going to place my focus on what I can do and not on the enormity of certain situations. I will do my best, one task at a time, one step at a time.

And if you see me stranded on the beach.... throw me back into the ocean, please ♥♥♥